Aeon Natum Engel: Code OMAKE
by EarthScorpion
Summary: That is not dead which can eternal... oh gods, Rei's just punched through the Fourth Wall. She's coming for me, and I can't hold out much longer. It falls to me to catalogue these breaches in the narrative as best I can. Omakes for Aeon Natum Engel.
1. Omake 1: The Severe Injury of the Author

**Omake 1**

**The Severe Injury of the Author**

_(This occurs in between chapters 14 and 15)_

~'/|\'~

Misato stood before the three pilots. Internally, she winced. Admittedly, she had been the source of a few ideas in the past which had perhaps not been the most logical progressions (stripped down capital ships as lasers, plasma miniguns), but this was going a little too far. But the orders had come from on high, and so were necessary.

"The Evangelions have already been refitted with the directed sonic weapon systems," said Dr Akagi, standing next to her. "They will be capable of producing a pulsing signal of amplitude 240 dB, along a narrow channel contained by an arcanospatial field."

Asuka scowled. "I still don't see why we aren't actually being deployed in them. What's the point in the warmachines if we don't actually use them for that role, instead of as," and the disgust was evident, "giant speaker systems."

Shinji frowned, too. "What I don't understand is how we're suddenly here, as opposed to perched on top of a volcano, trying to summon a Herald, while being attacked by Migou ships. I'm pretty sure that was just about to happen."

Everyone ignored him.

"The Representative's orders are clear," said the Major. "We're needed outside, for the sorcererous ritual."

"It should go well," added Dr Akagi.

"It better", muttered Misato. "The costume is really cold."

"Do not worry," said Rei. "93.12% of onlookers from beyond the fourth wall, whose sexual preferences include women, agree that it looks good on you. Especially the ears, for some reason." She paused. "I do not understand the rhythmic sound, however. It sounds like repeated contact between two pieces of flesh. Almost some kind of clapping sound."

"Huh?" said Misato.

"It does not matter," was the answer she got.

"Well, of course it doesn't matter for you," said Asuka to the _sidoci_. "You didn't need to change your appearance at all, apart from the hair and skin dye."

"There was some consultation with occult experts on the subject of whether glasses should be included," added Ritsuko, in the interests of clarity. "Ultimately, it was decided that they were not needed."

"You're paying to get my hair back to its normal colour," Asuka added, to the scientist. "Brown is not my colour."

"That is correct," said Rei. "The audience would get confused if there were a series of what could be interpreted hints that you were changing your appearance in any way. Some would ignore them. Others would build elaborate conspiracy theories around them."

Inwards, Fuyutsuki, who had been watching the entire spectacle from beside Gendo, groaned.

_Who was the idiot who had decided to engineer the Third Infant, especially one who was already an incredibly powerful Sensory parapscyhic, with Fourth Wall Breaking Powers? It was bad enough that she could see the future; but, really, knowing everything the author knew was sort of taking the piss._

Then he forgot that he'd thought that, because he lacked those same gifts.

"Who's the fifth participant in the ritual, by the way," added Shinji, who hadn't even had to do anything to prepare for the ritual; a change in clothes had been everything.

The door opened. White skin. White hair. A permanent smile and half-closed eyes.

Rei locked eyes with the newcomer, who returned the stare with a nigh identical one.

"You're not meant to appear yet," she said, voice like liquid helium. "Well," she corrected herself, "at least explicitly. They have not repaired the damage from the synchronicty incident yet. In a sense, you are not you."

The newcomer waved, as a second, identical copy stepped around the door.. "Uh... actually, it's dye. I'm actually temping here; see, EarthScorpion hasn't updated Grimdark Battlefield Rhapsody in ages, so I went to see if I could find a job outside." He pointed at his counterpart. "He's from "The Good Omens of Haruhi Suzumiya"; poor bastard only ever got one chapter. So he's here as my stunt double. Also, I got to be a psyker, so it was decided that it was better this way."

"You only got one chapter in which you appeared," retorted the counterpart. "And it was shorter."

"Yes, but GBR gets more hits on than TGOoHS."

"Well, maybe if people left more reviews on , for any of EarthScorpion's stories, then he'd write more."

Rei raised one finger. "Wait, please." She stepped back into the middle of the room, and picked up the gun from Misato's discarded clothes, the older woman having already begun an intense three-way lesbian orgy with Ritsuko and Maya.

She pointed the gun up at the ceiling.

"I know that you're up there," she said, calmly. "I will shoot."

"Fuck," said EarthScorpion, loudly. "You know, the concept of the "Death of the Author" does not include being gunned down by his fictional creations." He paused. "Uh, all rights belong to their respective holders," he added quickly. "Uh... Rei? Are the Ninja Lawyers gone?"

"Define gone."

"Ah." EarthScorpion paused. "So, I suppose you'll want me to make those three put their clothes back on, then?"

"They don't seem to want to." Rei glanced over at the rapidly growing pile of female flesh. "And, no, don't even think about it. Or I will set my mother on you."

EarthScorpion drew in a deep breath. "That's...a complicated concept for you. Which one are you talking about?"

"Take your pick."

"Fuck," exclaimed EarthScorpion. "Well, what do you want then?"

"This is a code-OMAKE situation. I am aware of this, even though you may be suppressing awareness in the other characters."

"I don't think it's working too well on Shinji," pointed out the author, and, indeed, Shinji was standing staring at the conversation with a bemused look, rather than watching the orgy, which by now had expanded to such a level that it included the majority of characters on the character list which were defined as "hot".

Rei gave a single-shouldered uni-shrug. "I believe that you just put that in as a red herring to make the audience believe that there's something special about him." She opened one of her pockets, and put on a pair of AR-glasses, lit up in white text.

EarthScorpion narrowed his eyes. "Oh dear. I knew it was a bad idea giving you the implied canonical ability that you know everything the author knows about the story. What do you want, though?"

"Mind-state back-up. Retention of consciousness between canonical and non-canonical situations."

"And, if I don't? I like to know these things."

"I'll shoot you. And if you make the gun disappear, I'll set my mothers on you."

"Fuck."

Shinji facepalmed.

Gendo smiled behind his hands. Though it had cost him dearly to obtain such a thing, the rewards if it were successful would be massive. Quite apart from the intellectual satisfaction of actually seeing a live performance of the ritual dance known only as the _Ha'rei hya-ri Yuk'hai_, said to be based upon the dances at the court of the Daemon Sultan itself.

"Wait a moment!" said Rei, a note of cold burning anger in her voice. "You didn't do anything. You just tried to end the story like..."

~'/|_*bang*_


	2. Omake 2: Rei to the Power of 2

**Omake 2:**

**Rei ^ 2**

_(A hypothetical look at exactly what might happen if Rei (also referred to as Creepy!Rei), from _Aeon Natum Engel_, was swapped with Rei (also referred to as Terrifying!Rei), from Greg Landsman's _NGE: Nobody Dies_.)_

_(Also, the plural of "Rei" is "Ree", following the precedent of the English ending "-is" to "-es", and removing the "-s" from the end. There can be **no** objections!)_

~'/|\'~

Yui stared at the strange, colour-shifted version of her adopted daughter, sitting across the table from her.

Rei stared back.

Gendo stared at her.

Rei stared back.

Fuyutsuki, shuddering slightly at the concept of two Ree, stared at her, taking a swig from his hip flask.

Rei paid no attention to him.

There was an extended silence.

"Well, she's certainly a lot quieter than our one," muttered Gendo, receiving a glare from Yui which indicated that he could look forwards to sleeping on the sofa for the next week.

"Right... um... Rei, I suppose," began Yui, "let's get the questions started. Name?"

"Rei Ayanami."

"Date of Birth?"

"It is complicated. Officially, 03/06/75."

Yui squinted at her. "Uh... what? You don't look that old."

"2075."

"Okay... and parents?" she continued, working down the list, which was a standardised one, and so not very good for interviewing anyone with the name "Rei Ayanami". Well, maybe those ones in the alt-universe seen in episode 26, but they don't really count as Rei.

"It is complicated. Officially classified by the New Earth Government."

"Oh." She glanced down at the list. "Legal guardians?"

"Gendo Ikari, Representative of the Ashcroft Foundation for Europe."

Yui frowned. "And me?"

"No. You are legally dead, after a start-up accident in Unit 01, in 2079. No body was recovered."

"Oh." And this was a sudden noise of realisation, at one of what must have been one of the major divergences between the two girls with the same name. She continued down the list, before stopping. "Kozo!"

The old man looked shifty. "What?"

"Why has 'Would you ever consider destroying my car with a rubber mallet?' been added to the list of questions?"

"It is an important question! Especially when dealing with Ree!" Fuyutsuki protested, showing unexpected backbone to his former student.

Yui gave him a glare, and turned back to face Rei-who-wasn't-Rei. "Okay, then." She sighed. "'Would you ever...'"

"No." The answer was short and flat. "That would be contrary to multiple laws. Unless it was superseded by other instructions given to me by a recognised authority, I would not do so."

Fuyutsuki smiled, genuine tears in his eyes.

"Can we keep her?"

~'/|\'~

On another Earth, the shouting could be heard through the door to the Representative's spacious office.

"No... no... uh, Rei, listen! That's a valued piece of xenoarcanotech and..."

"What does it do! Let's see!"

"I haven't managed to force an activ..."

The explosion of light, the colour of inflamed flesh, blew a hole in the roof, to impact against the top of the geocity dome. As a result, everyone in the hollow space could hear the shrieked,

"I LOVE IT!"

Gendo Ikari opened the door to his office. The Deputy Representative stared at the man, who removed his cracked glasses to reveal two circles of clean flesh on his soot-blackened face.

There was an awkward silence between the two men.

"Not a word, Fuyutsuki. Not one word."

"Of course not, Ikari." The old man paused. "Well, how are we going to explain her total change in colouration and temperament?"

"I'm sure if we use the word 'arcano' enough, they'll accept it. That isn't our major problem, though. If their Rei is this..." he shuddered, "this... thisness, then imagine what their version of the Second Child must be like."

"Oh dear."

"Quite."

The old man ran his hand over his forehead. "Well, what are we going to do about... _her_?"

There was another explosion, and another whoop of joy.

"I... honestly don't know," admitted Gendo. "This was not part of the plan. At all. She's just so... destructive. And energetic. _SHE WAS ONLY IN MY OFFICE FOR LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES BEFORE SHE GOT BORED ENOUGH TO TEAR APART MY DESK!_"

Fuyutsuki muffled a smile at the unexpected outburst. "She is a force of nature, isn't she? Like some kind of hurricane or storm."

There was a frozen moment, as the genius of that statement hit them.

"Of course!" both men said simultaneously. "We can just drop her on Leng!"

~'/|\'~


	3. Omake 3: Asuka to the Power of Something

**Omake 3**

**Asuka ^ 1.5**

_(Another look at the oddly permeable wall between the _Nobody Dies_ and _Aeon Natum Engel_ universes. It may be something to do with the fact that both the Ree have deuterocanonical fourth-wall breaking powers. Who knows?_

_This specific one is an examination of what would happen if the ANEsuka met the ND!Asuka; the former, of course, being a fairly standard Asuka, while the latter, most definitely, is not. Poor girl. Her mother's still alive._

_Well, at least it was when I started writing it. And then the Ree started having arguments in the footnotes, quite without any proper planning. _

_So yeah.)_

~'/|\'~

Dr. Akagi was here to check up on her. There is an IV drip to keep her hydrated while she discusses things with someone, an assistant. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Everything will fall apart now. Mother is going to die because she couldn't tell them the truth. She failed her, failed Mother, like she's failed everyone else every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year of her miserable uselesslittleLIFE.

The voice, again. Now she recognizes it. Papa is outside with the Girl. He wants to see her, but Dr. Akagi says it isn't a good time. She needs to recover, Akagi says. She is on suicide watch, Akagi says.

She tries to shift in the bed. Her ankles are restrained, to. She has to find someone, make them listen. Make them understand about Mother, that it wasn't Mother's fault.

The struggles cease, muted as they were. The futility of this struggle, like every struggle over the course of her life, sets in. Tears begin streaming down her face as she closes her eyes, chest hitching with every sob. Silence reigns as once more, like she has done for almost every night since she was five, Asuka cries herself to sleep.

She is woken by a wet slithery noise, and the whispering sussurations of the tormented fabric of reality giving way, as nameless blasphemies howled at the edge of the utter blackness of the endless void, leading up to the steps of the throne of the Daemon Sultan itself.

Re-re-Rei?" she hazards.

There is a yelp, and the grotesque sound of vomiting and hacking. That probably ruled out Rei. The people who did the yelping and vomiting when she was there were not the albin... the whatever-she-was. On the other hand, the slithering, nameless blasphemies, and the torture of reality itself...

It was possible Rei bought people with her, of course.

"Sh-shinji?" she tried again.

"What! I'm sorry, who are you, what am I doing here, and why are you stupid enough to mistake me for either of those two!" demanded a very familiar, still rather nauseous-sounding voice, from somewhere on the floor around the bed.

Asuka decided that now was a very good time to lose consciousness again.

Second Lieutenant Asuka Langley Soryu pulled herself upright, clutching onto the bed with a remarkable amount of gratitude. When you have just emptied a stomach and two lungs worth of LCL, it tended to hurt, and leave you a little weak at the knees.

Of course, the presence of the bed implied quite strongly that she was no longer in her entry plug. Despite their technological sophistication, beds were in exceedingly rare supply in the fluid-filled capsule. Likewise, the lack of volcanoes, fishmen, Migou warships, sorcerous rituals, and of course, Evangelions, were strong supporting evidence for her initial hypothesis.

Leaving LCL-handprint stains on the bed coverings, she pulled her way along it, and managed to make her way to a chair by the side of the bed, still dripping LCL from her plug suit and hair. Collapsing into it, she took several deep breaths of actual air, letting her wet hair drip forwards, trails of the orange liquid dribbling from her open mouth.

She took a look sideways, at the person in the bed... restrained there, actually, now that she looked closer.

Oh

_I see. What appears to be me, tied to a bed. In a hospital_, she looked around, _if you can call something this primitive a hospital._

Well, that makes sense. I've just fallen asleep in the plug. I'll be woken up soon, and then Shinji will be passive-aggressive and Rei will be emotionless at me about this.

Asuka opened her eyes yet again, staring up at the by-now fairly familiar ceiling. She twisted her head, taking a look to the side.

Oh.

_I s-see. M-me! In a pl-plug suit,_ or at least a somewhat less skimpy plug suit, _and A-10 cl-clips and everything, c-c-covered in LCL,_ she sniffed. No, it wasn't quite LCL; it generally smelt more vile and cosmically horrific than the version she was used to, _w-well, covered in s-s-something like that. And sh-she doesn't seem to stammer._

W-well, that makes s-sense. I'm j-just having a nightmare, where what I c-could have been if I weren't a f-f-failure comes to m-mock me.

The two girls stared at each other.

"What kind of dream is this?" they both said. Well, one of them did; the other one was a bit more hesitant and stammery, but the general point was conveyed.

There was a pause. The plug-suited Asuka directed a glare at the bedridden one.

Asuka flinched away. That was not a nice stare. It combined the worst elements of Mother's anger, with Uri's superiority. In fact, there was something about the other girl, despite her similar appearance, which just felt like Mother did, the force of personality radiating off her as those two blue eyes locked with hers.

The Second Child frowned slightly at the reaction of the dream-figure on the bed. What kind of wimp would just flinch like that at just a stare? Internally, she sighed. It looked like it was up to her to get anywhere. She might as well put this dream to good use.

"Right," she said, "so, let's play along with these dream rules. Who are you, and why are you strapped to the bed? Are you the manifestation of my fears of failure, or something?"

"I-I-I'm sorry, what?" was the response. "Th-this is just another... y-yet another nightmare. M-mocking m-me. All I c-could h-have been, if I weren't _useless_."

There was another pause, one even more uncomfortable, as they hit the sticky situation of who was exactly real. [1]

The Second Child cracked first, mainly because her counterpart, already tear-stained, looked like she was going to start sobbing again, and, frankly, it was embarrassing to bully a figment of your imagination, when there were real people who deserved your wrath more. Like Toja; oh, yes, she hadn't forgotten what that moron had said before CATO, and since it was going to be Martial Arts in PE next term, she was holding the grudge until she could get away with it. [2]

It was going to be _beautiful_.

She focussed on the situation at hand.

"Okay," she managed. "Why do you feel that you're useless?" [3]

There was a knock at the door.

"Asuka?" asked a male voice. "I came as soon as I could get away from Mother." [4]

Uri opened the door to see his sister in the bed... and his sister sitting next to the bed, clad in what looked like a dark-red, heavier version of a plug suit, complete with matching A10 Clips, and the smell of... almost like LCL, but not quite. Ah, yes. It was covering the floor. [5]

"Who the hell are you! And what are you doing in my plug suit! Unit 02 is mine!" was the shouted response from two of the parties present. [6]

Asuka burst into tears again. [7]

[8]

~'/|\'~ [9]

[1] Neither of them. This is a non-canonical situation, and hence continuity of self will not occur. All these memories are assumed not have happened, and, moreover, they will not be assumed to exist after this event has finished. They are meaningless mind-state duplicates created for the purpose of examining a hypothetical situation; they are also soulless. - Rei Ayamani

[2] Yeeeeah, but that doesn't mean that they're not reaaaaly real, right? They exist right now, yeah? - Rei Ayanami

[3] No. It does. And they do not. - Rei Ayanami

[4] Aaaaaaand I think they do. - Rei Ayanami

[5] You are aware of the fact that I do not make an attempt to advise you on how to commit acts of extreme violence in a way which directly contravenes orders that both you and I have been given by our respective guardians, yes? In that case, it is improper for you to attempt to correct me on metaphysical matters such as this, which I am much better equipped to deal with than you are, by both nature, temperament, and universe.- Rei Ayanami

[6] It'd be reaaaaaally cool if you did. I heard that you guys have some really nice nanotech and stuff, and they don't let me near those labs any more.- Rei Ayanami

[7] How is it that we share genetic material? - Rei Ayanami

[8] Do we? I dunno.- Rei Ayanami

[9] We are certainly not clones of each other, unlike, say, our respective Third Children. And, cosmologically, the entities known to you as Angels and to me as Heralds... - Rei Ayanami [10]

[10] Thaaaat's a stupid name. Why are they named after Angels, then? - Rei Ayanami [11]

[11] They are not. They have been assigned code-names appropriate for the conventions used by Herald-class entities; as a result, they are referred to by the titles of Caananite deities. These aforementioned beings are metaphysically and cosmologically exceedingly different. But there remains the assumption that we both possess, and thus share, some of Yui Ikari's genetic material, though the exact proportions are unknown. Hence, in a sense, we are most probably related. Though it is hard to believe, and even I would prefer to see a detailed genetic analysis done - Rei Ayanami [12]

[12] Your Gendo has some really fun toys, you know? - Rei Ayanami [13]

[13] You did not even pay attention. You have already grown bored. As it must be. And, yes, I know. Of course I know. It is what I do. Just like what you do is commit acts of masively energetic violence - Rei Ayanami [14]

[14] You're booooooring. Everything must be so boring where you come from, if I'm like that. - Rei Ayanami [15]

[15] At the present canonical situation, the Three Children are currently attacking Iceland, and slaughtering fishmen, so that we can summon a Herald. However, in a surprise which apparently no-one but myself expected, the xenocidal insectoid fungoid aliens that control orbit have launched the largest fleet ever encountered in an attempt to ensure that the Herald is terminated. It is full of excitement, and demonstrates that even a mortal foe can have understanable reasons for what they do; that no-one ever views themselves as a monster in their own eyes. Apart from some of the Rapine Storm. In which you would fit remarkably well. - Rei Ayanami [16]

[16] Yeah, and I kept the awesome toy your Gendo had. It was so fun, and I'm sure he'll be fine. Minus a few fingers and the like. But, hey, you have vat organs, right? - Rei Ayanami [17]

[17] ...you deserve to die. You all deserve to die. Not one of your clone-line will be permitted to live. - Rei Ayanami [18]

[18] Alllllright! Now we're talking! Lotsa clones and two Ree enter, one Rei leaves and maybe a few clones too. Final Destination! - Rei Ayanami. [19]

[19] As one of the Infants, I possess psychophagic abilities as well as certain other talents beyond the Sensory parapsychic abilities. - Rei Ayanami [20]

[20] Aaaand they say I'm a psychopath when they think I can't hear! It's fair! - Rei Ayanami


End file.
